It is the crazy gift shopping time now. It’s time of checking the lists of who wants what under the Christmas tree. But it’s also this time of the year when we make plans for the New Year. It’s the time of the year when we try to think about our relatives with love (Christmas) and when we feel the possibility of the fresh start (The New Year). So it is the season when we decide to try to be our best selves. We want to be better sisters, daughters, workers, bosses, home managers. And we make the resolutions to be better parents. And in connection to this, I want to present you the idea of an important list that you should write as soon as possible: A List of What You Haven’t Got. Interested? Listen.
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What, why and how? – The long story short
You probably want your kids to be happier and more successful in their adult lives than you.
Make A List of What You Haven’t Got during your childhood and school and university years and what you lacked in your adult life.
Things you see other young people have got but you haven’t.
Tools to be fully prepared for the adult life.
What was it in your life?
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Let’s start: A List of What You Haven’t Got
Is self-development important for you? Do you try to improve yourself in various areas of life and ask yourself questions about your goals, motivations, prejudices etc.?
If yes, I’m sure you’ve already improved something in yourself, built a habit or learned a skill that you didn’t possess before. But you thought you need it in your life. You thought that this improvement, habit or skill will make your life fuller. You wanted to develop them because you’ve felt they were much lacking in your life.
Those skills and habits were lacking in your life.
You haven’t got them during your childhood and youth. You haven’t got them from your parents, your school, friends, society.
You haven’t got them but then you’ve found you need them to live a life that you want.
So you’ve searched for good sources, methods, training, mentors, experts.
You’ve learned something completely new to you. Something that wasn’t a norm in the environment where you grew up.
And it wasn’t an easy work!
You’re now wiser not only because of getting the skill/knowledge/point of view/a good habit but you’re wiser also because of the journey from the lack and need through the learning, consisting of little failures and little successes finally to possessing the missing quality in your life.
Now, if you’re a parent or if you plan to be one someday, I BEG you: write A List of What You Haven’t Got until you became adult and fully responsible for yourself.
The list of your lacks from your years as the young adult will be a list of what you must give to your kids so they can be better prepared for the adult life.
Use Christmas Eve, 4 am Christmas morning or any day when you can sit still with yourself and think of what you haven’t got as a child and teenager and what you really needed later in your adult life.
Examples and hints to make your analysis easier
What haven’t you got from your family and school and needed to learn by yourself in your adult life?
Any habits? Eating healthy? Not snacking?
Doing and not being lazy? Taking your life into your own hands?
Knowledge and importance of building and managing relationships? The habit of cutting the toxic ones out of your life?
Or maybe you lacked just money? A car?
A certain kind of help that you know you can always get from your close ones?
The know-how of finding your place in the workforce market?
Knowledge of governments, law, finances, market, entrepreneurship?
Some values, life skills? Attitude?
What to do next when you have the List of What You Haven’t Got?
After you write down the list of what you haven’t got before you became adult, keep it somewhere in your home or on your disc. You don’t need to go back to it frequently. Just have it and have the possibility to look at it.
Why it’s good to have such a list and why I beg you to do it right now – as soon as possible? Because we forget. Every day you’re older. Every day you’re farther from your young self who was starting his adult life. Every day you learn new things and collect knowledge, even unconsciously. It’s a continuous, slow but steady process. You don’t even see most of the changes in you. So how could you clearly name what was missing in your life a few years ago when you were starting your journey as an adult?
The sooner you’ll write the list, the surer you can be that there’ll be really useful hints on your list.
And then? Go back to it once a year or more often. And the more often, the older your kids will be.
One example of what I’m changing in raising my kids after writing my list
This year… I got conscious of many matters. Oh, yes.
The biggest value for me is freedom. And what is connected with freedom, is assertiveness, strength, independence, self-confidence. I want to raise my Boys to possess these characteristics.
And one day I’ve stumbled upon a quote. I don’t remember it exactly but the sense was that we want to raise independent people but what we do every day is the opposite! Like,
Dear Son, I want you to be an independent human being, but not when you live with me.
Isn’t it so? We want obedient, polite little human beings. And then we expect them to be able to resist stupid laws, stupid society expectations, stupid doctor’s recommendations, stupid advertisements etc.
Think of it! I’m just changing my attitude and expectations to my little Sons. Yes, for me having strong adult Sons is more important than having troubles or more work at home because sometimes my little boys don’t follow our home rules and do something that I don’t wish.
The list of books that were helping me on the way to fill gaps in my attitude, knowledge, and skills.
The whole Motherhood category on the blog.
So what do you want to give to your kids? Tell me in comments.