I often wonder why my life with my Son and now with two sons looks like it looks. I mean why am I so overwhelmed, tired, annoyed, not having time alone with myself, not mentioning time for activities making ME pleased. Dear modern mothers: let’s talk about it.
Bad organisation, you say. No. Thinking of that I always try to imagine caring about and raising children in the past or in other cultures.
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There is an African saying:
It takes a whole village to raise a child.
Modern mothers, what’s wrong with us? Why do we fail?
And there is a werstern culture reality:
Modern mothers often cannot count on parents or sibilings help.
We live in a culture that promotes individualism.
We live in a culture of self-reliance.
We live in a culture saying that parents should (so they are able to!) care for their children by themselves, alone.
And we live in a culture that makes us feel bad when we cannot make it, ask for help, starting to be dependent. (Our greatgrandfathers would say: connected.)
What do I miss as a modern mother?
I would like to develop as a human being.
Being a mother is very developing. But there are some other directions that interest me.
I just want to work.
To earn for our living, to feel satisfaction – aren’t these normal human needs?
But I don’t know how to make children accept that there is a (long!) time during almost every day, when mum is working. For us all and for her as a human being who has the same right to have her pleasures as anyone else. I don’t know how to explain them that after they’ve eaten, when they have clean diapers, good clothes and have enough of hugging, they can take care of themselves, play, be bored or take care of themselves by themselves.
I admit that I don’t know how to achieve it.
Modern mothers: Reality
I spend my days preparing food, doing laundry, putting things back on their places, praying that I can eat what I want without my Son begging for it and taking 2/3 of it and answering every mom do this, mom come, mom help, mom I want and the whole lithany of questions beginning with why (by my 2-year old).
Parents’ place in the society. How it could be?
You can see pitrures from Central or South America where mum is working, for example selling things, and her child spend time near her, often sleeping.
In the past women had their work which had to be done, for example on a farm. And they could do it. Children somewhere near. Not yelling for attention? How?
Or there could be grandparents… In reality most of them are still working with overtime. Many of retired don’t want to spend their time on caring about their family.
I want to…
Be almost all the time with my children and be the best mother! And during this time I also want to work, take time for what I want, take a nap, eat in peace.
The Idle Parent: Why Laid-Back Parents Raise Happier and Healthier Kids*
Buy from Amazon.
I’ve read it recently. In Tom Hodgkinson’s writing I’ve found an example of real family out of schemes life and encouragement to live and raise my children in the way that I feel.