How to make the relation with your spouse satisfying and beneficial to both of you? – an eternal question. For me good, real love is slow love. Read why and what does it mean.
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For me an important eye-opener was Gary Chapman’s theory of five languages of love (here’s his book*). It divides people into types, which show what does love for the person mean. These languages are: gifts, serving – doing tasks at home, compliments, time and touch.
With my husband we’ve made a test that showed our types and said… it will be a hard relationship. And it is. And I see and understand the roots of our dissatisfactions. I know what he’s looking for in a relationship and I know what I need, and these are different things.
But knowing the type gives the chance to start speaking your partner’s language if you want to have a good relationship.
And why do I call the good relationship slow love?
Because if you want to be satisfied with your life with another person and if it is your priority, you HAVE TIME FOR IT.
Yes, slow movement is SLOW and the feature speed is connected with TIME.
I’m aspiring to live a slow life. I’m the time and touch type in the five languages of love. For me good relationship is a slow relationship.
Ingredients of slow love:
Have time for the other one. Give him or her your time.
It can be a date: walk, time spent in nature, in cinema or in a restaurant. But for many people going out is possible rarely. I highly value time given to each other on completely average days. Being together. Not only near each other – both in the kitchen, both in theirs smartphones. No. I want together. You can prepare a meal, watch a movie… But for me the best is laying together and talking about you. Your plans, dreams, thoughts, happy or sad moments. Rather not about what was on news. And not about necessary shopping or family daily schedule for the next day.
And with time, give your attention.
Focus on your partner and on what’s between you. Forget your smartphone. Don’t tell him that he should have put his sock in other place. Don’t tell her that there is too much her hair on the floor. Please, don’t!
Today is the era of “lack of time”. Society, family, boss, clients or readers 😉 demand too much from you. So to make time spent together possible, you have to prioritize your relationship. Unless you make it number one, you’ll go to the gym, stay overtime, clean your home, visit your mother, change tires, tick out other things from your list and keep up on Facebook. But you won’t have a fascinating, satisfying, strong relationship.
And don’t think that your spouse will be there always. That he or she is “signed” for you in a form of an agreement. Don’t try to do everything first to spend then all the time with this person. Because that someday can never come. Because by losing so much time and living near and not together you’re already spoiling the relation.
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