Eureka. After well over five years of being a mother, I finally understood.
I realized why we, full-time mothers, are sometimes so tired and nervous (sometimes), even though we’re neither running marathons nor having problems with clients, which would cost us a lot of stress.
I realized why the level of the battery, the level of energy flies down so fast. In the morning I would do something with joy in an hour. The same thing, if I had to do it after fourteen hours of “sitting” at home with kids, it would cost me … more than I can afford energetically.
I realized why I’m sometimes so unproductive, doing so little, doing nothing.
Well, yes: we “sit” with children at home. Of which the seating is maybe … maybe it is a little bit, but it is interrupted every three minutes. You sit – you get up. Then the husband praises the buttocks 😉
I do not always sit at home and quite a lot outside. When all other kids are in institutions (daycare, day camp), all newly built sports fields and playgrounds are ours, not to mention squares, pavements, forests, and lawns.
Anyway, kindergarten workers leave this place and their duties at a certain hour every day.
Mothers who want to be the only mothers and the only (along with fathers, grandparents) authorities for their own descendants must cope 24/7.
And of course, dear woman, the world tells you to work from home at this time! Bake bread! Make origami! Have guests!
Everything is possible to be done, only the facts are…
Example no 1. The office. Why your husband – if he works in the office – does not work in a kindergarten? After all, one could put desks in the room, on this large carpet, between energetic children. They would fly around, shout to each other, sing about the snowman and stand in a row when the teacher tells them to do so. And your husband would write, count, make calls, develop strategies, make up for Facebook gossip. A normal day at work. The employer would save on renting space, humanity would save on heating and electricity, it would be so eco. And somehow nobody works in kindergarten (not counting people delegated to run this institution).
Example no 2. Meals. As above: there are no restaurants in the kindergarten rooms. No one voluntarily chooses to have a meal in the company of… those sweet but loud and energetic little creatures.
To put it simply: as a stay at home mom you have no way to focus, and the amount of stimuli that go to all your senses, to the brain, combined with responsibility (was he laughing or crying? What noise was it – something fell, did he fall or did something fall on him? He is in in the bathtub – is he alive?)… It is the reason why for centuries and millennia women have been getting married, giving birth to children, taking care of the home (but without pedantry), and as extra activities they e.g. knit. I say that I could assemble pens. Now, for example, I plan to write shorter articles, because … it is still possible somehow. And writing a long one requires me to keep the thought despite seventeen thousand interruptions… That is why women did not write books and calculate the strength of the bridges (until one calculated and the bridge collapsed – seriously).
Conclusion: if you, dear mother, who loves her kids, have the impression that you are doing nothing – I want to tell you that it’s normal, that it looks sometimes like that, that you have reasons. There are periods or ways that will sometimes allow you to control the achieving part of you more, but generally – this is not what we are meant to do.
Yes, of course, some will say, there is the issue of raising children… That they would not come to their mother? A three-year-old? A five-year-old? Are they supposed to sit quietly, not feel, not share their discoveries, feel no passion, but politely, like in prison, fill a tax questionnaire?
Let kids be kids, let moms be happy moms 🙂
But how to keep calm in the chaos? You can start by reading articles from the category motherhood & family on the Slow and Happy blog. Even I need to come back to them from time to time to remind myself of my previous discoveries. Like:
- how to stress less as a mom of toddlers
- how to simplify life with a baby
- that it’s impossible to be perfect
- funny and effective ways to fight with mother exhaustion
- or that minimalism makes life with kids so much easier
- and much more.
I encourage you to dig in the motherhood & family on the blog for hope and tried & true advice.
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