How to make the relationship with your spouse satisfying and beneficial to both of you? – an eternal question. For me, good, real love is slow love. Read why and what does it mean.
For me, an important eye-opener was Gary Chapman’s theory of five languages of love (here’s his book). It divides people into types, which show what does love for the person mean. These languages are:
– serving – doing tasks at home,
– and touch.
With my husband, we’ve made the test that showed our types and said… it will be a hard relationship. And it is. And I see and understand the roots of our dissatisfactions. I know what he’s looking for in a relationship and I know what I need, and these are different things.
But knowing the type gives the chance to start speaking your partner’s language if you want to have a good relationship.
why do I call the good relationship slow love?
Because if you want to be satisfied with your life with another person and if it is your priority, you HAVE TIME FOR IT.
Yes, slow movement is SLOW and the feature speed is connected with TIME.
I’m aspiring to live a slow life. I’m the time and touch type in the five languages of love. For me, a good relationship is a slow relationship.
How do I see it after six years of marriage and about the same amount of time of learning to live slower?
ingredients of slow love
1 | time
Have time for the other one. Give him or her your time.
It can be a date: walk, time spent in nature, in a cinema or in a restaurant.
For many people going out is possible rarely, because of lack of money, having other tasks or just fatigue. I have to tell you that minimalism and slow life are good remedies for all of those excuses.
But even if you’ll stay home with your daily tasks, I can tell you that I highly value time given to each other on completely average days. Being together. Not only near each other, like both in the kitchen, but both in their smartphones. No. I want together.
You can prepare a meal or watch a movie together… But for me, the best is laying together and talking about you. Your plans, dreams, thoughts, happy or sad moments. Rather not about what was on the news. And not about necessary shopping or family daily schedule for the next day.
You can prepare a meal or watch a movie together… But for me, the best is laying together and talking about you. Your plans, dreams, thoughts, happy or sad moments. Rather not about what was on the news. And not about necessary shopping or family daily schedule for the next day. You, him/her, you together and what is going inside of you. What you feel, what you want. Talk and listen.
2 | attention
And with time, give your attention.
Focus on your partner and on what’s between you. Forget your smartphone. Don’t tell him that he should have put his sock in another place. Don’t tell her that there is too much her hair on the floor. Please, don’t!
Today is the era of lack of time. Society, family, boss, clients or readers 😉 demand too much from you. So to make time spent together possible, you have to prioritize your relationship. Unless you make it number one, you’ll go to the gym, stay overtime, clean your home, visit your mother, change tires, tick out other things from your to-do list and keep up on Facebook. But you won’t have a fascinating, satisfying, strong relationship.
And don’t think that your spouse will be there always. That he or she is signed to you in the form of an agreement. Don’t try to do everything first to spend then all the time with this person. Because that someday can never come (Someday – do you already know this fantastic essay by The Minimalists?). Because by losing so much time and living near and not together you’re already spoiling the relation.
Mentioned in the article:
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman